just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
