Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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