The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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