yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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