you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
