Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
