Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
