You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
