sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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