So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
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ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
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HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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