found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
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Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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