turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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