why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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