theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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