Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
