And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
