you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think your dad took our porno
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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