last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
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Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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