I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
