Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
