Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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