Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize