I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
