Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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