a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
