Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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