can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
