I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
