He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
