so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
