the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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