Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
