I think I died a long time ago.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
