you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
