you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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