Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
