butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
