I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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