totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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