she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
there is glitter all over my balls
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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