garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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