Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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