she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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