pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i drank out of a bidet.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
