We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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