Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
