i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
