Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The feeling are messing with the penis
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
