another moral hangover. fuck.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
His hands were made for my vagina.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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