oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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