all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
