I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
