My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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