just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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