he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I need a beard to bite.
Drunk is not a location!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
