The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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