I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
