I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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