i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
