Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
