dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize