ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
