Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
