I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
