I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
FUCK WHALES
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
