to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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