We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
