did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
