Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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