Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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