go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
