dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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